The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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