Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
