I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
