see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
