my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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