I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
