This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
