Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
