K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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