She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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