I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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