UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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