He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
