Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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