She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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