i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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