I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
