when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
