is your mom at the bar?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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