Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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