So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
