He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize