I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize