I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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