did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
