i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
