Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
