My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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