Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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