You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
