I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
