I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
