forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
