you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
