if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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