I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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