She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize