I can text with my tongue
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
