Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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