Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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