i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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