I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
