You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
