Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
