We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
