Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're like the curious george of whores
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
