Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
