Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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