i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
