so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
