Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
