exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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