I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
