The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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