I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
