I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize