If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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