I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
