I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
