I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
