I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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