my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
