4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
