dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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