I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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