So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
