someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize