he puts the penis in happiness.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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