Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
