It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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