I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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