Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
