wakey wakey hands off snakey
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
